Now is as good a time as ever to remember that gifts of love come in all sizes and shapes, colors and contrasts. Some are shiny and bright, tied up with a bow. Others come in plain brown paper wrapping.
Few would argue that love -- in all its many manifestations -- makes life rich and full and worth living. But, love defined too narrowly can spell heartbreak for those who don't have a special someone on their arm this season.
In one of my favorite books Life Lessons, by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler, the authors make an important point that "we don't always recognize love because we categorize it, declaring romantic love to be the only ‘real' kind."
Those of us who live alone can fall prey to that way of thinking. I've been guilty of thinking along these lines, as well. But, thanks to time, introspection and the teachings of others, I have broadened my perspective. I now see and enjoy meaningful connections everywhere I go, and it has made an amazing difference in my life. It can make a difference in your life, too.
Lately, some of my most intimate moments have been with an old high school friend, Terry. Both divorced, we enjoy a comfortable brother-sister relationship that is as practical as it is profound. We attend work functions together, we hang out and help each other with house chores on weekends, we celebrate birthdays, and we are there for each other when life lets us down. While not "romantic," there is no shortage of love in my relationship with Terry.
Many single people have what can be described as "passionate friendships" - those relationships in which we feel completely comfortable and where we can express ourselves openly and honestly. I enjoy this kind of relationship with Terry, and my life is richer for it. We delight in each other's company and because of this relationship I have truly discovered that intimacy is not exclusive to a conventional love union -- it can be found in friendship. And, it can also be found in less significant, even accidental relationships.
My tailor Dino and I have known each other for over 20 years. While he pins and tucks and (more often these days) "lets out" my clothing, we share snippets of our lives and have developed a warm, casual relationship over the years. While in the past, I might have overlooked this relationship as important in my life, I now see Dino as among those who matter to me. He is a part of my world. Encounters with him, however brief, can lift my spirits. They can change my day.
My relationship with Dino has taught me a great deal about myself, and how I view love, relationships, and intimacy. We can all learn so much from the many individuals, even strangers, we encounter during our days - the clerk behind the video counter, delivery people, fellow travelers, neighbors, people in passing. Each is a source of human contact and each holds the possibility of taking us to a place of happiness, reflection or deeper meaning. If one considers the idealized "true love" of romance novels as the only love that really "counts," the potential in these many encounters is lost.
My advice to you throughout the year, and especially during the holidays: Recognize the potential for love and intimacy in the world around you. Reach out and make real connections with the people you meet and interact with during your daily routines. Look them in the eye, hear what they have to say, and share what's in your heart.
If you are not in an intimate relationship, it doesn't mean your holidays won't be filled with richness, love, and special moments. Count your blessings this throughout the year for the many opportunities for human warmth that exist and for the magic in the connections we experience every day, no matter how seemingly insignificant. Love is the wonder that surrounds us. With an open heart, you won't miss the greatest gift of all.
