A key to living alone successfully is to determine who you really are and what you really want for your life. No "shoulds" or other people's agendas.
Sounds simple, but for those coming out of a long relationship, determining "who you really are" can be daunting. After years of focusing on the needs and desires of a spouse and family, many discover that, somewhere along the way, they have disappeared around the edges and lost their own sense of self.
Rediscovering yourself and identifying those things that bring joy and meaning into your life can turn living alone into an adventure of the spirit. Once you establish your individual interests, you'll find that time alone and the silent spaces between events no longer feels empty.
Below is an exercise to help you get back in touch with your true self.
LOOK BACK AND REACH IN:
Identify those things that fully engrossed you as a child or that today completely consume you - those things that make you feel complete, as though nothing is missing. These are your "loves." These pursuits reveal your true self.
SPEND TIME WITH THESE QUESTIONS:
1) Search back. What were things you did or pursued as a child that gave you joy? The things you thought you did particularly well, that you perhaps secretly took pride in? What did you just love doing as a kid?
2) More recently, when do you completely lose yourself in something? What are you doing when time flies?
3) What are the kinds of things you do when you have time to yourself, perhaps on vacation? How do you spend your time, when no one's watching, when you're just being you?
4) And finally, when you open a newspaper or magazine, what article interest you most? This may help to define areas that pique your interest.
THEN TAKE ACTION:
Based on the answers above, identify one step (even a small step) you can take — now — to reconnect with a past pursuit or to delve more deeply into an existing interest.
When I went through this exercise years ago, I rediscovered a part of me that I had neglected — without realizing it — for years. That part was my creative side. While I was thinking back over my life and childhood, I remembered how much I enjoyed art classes as a kid and I recalled the hours I spent engaged in pencil drawing and other artistic endeavors.
Then, when I looked at my life as an adult, I realized how very few creative outlets I had incorporated into my daily and weekly routines. So I set out to make a deliberate change in my life and to reincorporate creative expression into my world. The result? I now look out on a garden that bursts with color, texture, and fragrance.
Those of us who live alone have the gift of abundant time to ourselves. Use it wisely. Use the time to get to know yourself all over again. When you identify the things you love to do, and do them, you will feel less lonely. Stated positively, you will feel more integrated and in touch with who you are. You'll be spending your time pursuing activities that bring you personal satisfaction - activities that reinforce who you are and who you want to become. When that happens, living alone becomes secondary to living fully!
